A Week of Ups and Downs

Thanks for all the comments yesterday regarding our good news. 

It's been a rollercoaster of emotions this last couple of weeks. Glad to find out what the baby will be and that everything is going well. It was the anniversary of Mum's death last weekend and the lead-up to that brought all kinds of thoughts and emotions to the surface. Those last few months and days replaying over and over in my head, especially when I closed my eyes. Of course, wondering if there was anything different I could have done, wishing things could have been different. I am coming to learn that feeling guilt - whatever the circumstances of a loved one's death - is normal. I still come back to just hoping that Mum knew how much I loved her and how hard I tried to be with her. I know that all the times we talked and Skyped, especially in those Covid months (before she caught it) she knew how much I wished I could be there, how tempted I was to just fly there and spend the pandemic with her. 

Deep Breath. 

Good things. I remember when daughter was little my Mum got her this mint green TY bunny. She loved that thing. She would sleep with it all the time. I still have it, it was in daughter's room until she left for university and didn't want to take it with her, though it's a little battered. I was looking to buy a new one for the baby, but they sadly no longer sell it. I might try to clean daughter's up, but in the meantime, I found a lovely (albeit little expensive) mint green Jellycat Bunny that I'm having sent to daughter. 

I can't say that I've got a lot done around the house this week. I have got the basics and normal cleaning done which is good. Thank goodness for routines! 

The days just seem to have flown by. It's been rather hot and humid and I'm blaming that (among other things) for my lack of getting things done this week. I have been writing lists, though I haven't been getting everything done. 

Do you find the hot weather causes you to have less energy? 

A photo of something that made me smile this weekend.

A Red-Winged Blackbird Fledgling. The face only a parent could love lol. Its parents were close by not happy when anything came near. 

Hopefully back tomorrow!

Ups and Downs

It's been a...challenging couple of days mentally. Mother's Day (UK) is coming up this weekend. I can't believe it will be the second one without Mum. I've been thinking about her a lot lately and it makes me feel like being on a rollercoaster of emotions. I don't suppose going through menopause helps either when my emotions feel all over the place recently. I miss her. I suppose this time of year is a struggle for a lot of people who are missing their Mums or don't have them in their lives for one reason or another. There's lot of adverts around and mention of Mums and frankly it hurts. I was chatting with my sister today and she said she tries to opt out of any Mother's Day emails. She also mentioned how difficult it is for me when there are two Mother's Days (UK in March and US in May). I used to send Mum something for both. It's difficult over here when most people don't understand why I'm feeling a little sad. 

Anyway, enough of that. After ups and downs, daughter and SIL say they are coming this weekend so that's something to look forward to. I am pleased to see them but hope I don't bring the mood down. I think there will still be moments. 

On a things-that-make-me-smile note, I saw the beavers on Thursday. It was sunny but chilly. I stood and watched at least three (maybe four) of them. So lovely to watch. I took a little video early in the morning and managed to catch one. 

Also took a few photos of them. Here's one. 

Today was horribly rainy and snowy. I didn't take a walk. We're under a Winter Weather Advisory for ick snow. So we shall see. 

As always, thank you for the comments. I do appreciate and read them.