Thanks for all the comments yesterday regarding our good news.
It's been a rollercoaster of emotions this last couple of weeks. Glad to find out what the baby will be and that everything is going well. It was the anniversary of Mum's death last weekend and the lead-up to that brought all kinds of thoughts and emotions to the surface. Those last few months and days replaying over and over in my head, especially when I closed my eyes. Of course, wondering if there was anything different I could have done, wishing things could have been different. I am coming to learn that feeling guilt - whatever the circumstances of a loved one's death - is normal. I still come back to just hoping that Mum knew how much I loved her and how hard I tried to be with her. I know that all the times we talked and Skyped, especially in those Covid months (before she caught it) she knew how much I wished I could be there, how tempted I was to just fly there and spend the pandemic with her.
Deep Breath.
Good things. I remember when daughter was little my Mum got her this mint green TY bunny. She loved that thing. She would sleep with it all the time. I still have it, it was in daughter's room until she left for university and didn't want to take it with her, though it's a little battered. I was looking to buy a new one for the baby, but they sadly no longer sell it. I might try to clean daughter's up, but in the meantime, I found a lovely (albeit little expensive) mint green Jellycat Bunny that I'm having sent to daughter.
I can't say that I've got a lot done around the house this week. I have got the basics and normal cleaning done which is good. Thank goodness for routines!
The days just seem to have flown by. It's been rather hot and humid and I'm blaming that (among other things) for my lack of getting things done this week. I have been writing lists, though I haven't been getting everything done.
Do you find the hot weather causes you to have less energy?
A photo of something that made me smile this weekend.
A Red-Winged Blackbird Fledgling. The face only a parent could love lol. Its parents were close by not happy when anything came near.
Hopefully back tomorrow!
Definitely ups and downs for you this week, and the sadness of the anniversary of your mum's death. Be well dear blog friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much x
DeleteI'm sure it was a very emotional couple of weeks for you, Sharon. Your Mum's death anniversary, your son-in-law's father's death, plus the news you'll be a grandmother. Yes, there are feelings of guilt when a loved one dies - I, too, think of the "if only"s where my mother's death is concerned. If only I had taken the time to play the piano and sing the old songs with her, maybe that might have slowed down the dementia; if only I had not gone to work that day and stayed home with her, I might have been able to call the paramedics sooner, if only I had done this or done that...But, we have to be compassionate for our past selves. We did the best we could under the circumstances. It has to be enough. I'm sure your Mum knew you loved her and wanted to be with her. I know my mother knew I loved her, although, we rarely, if ever, said, "I love you" - that's just not in our culture (my daughter, however, says "I love you" every time we end a conversation and I've learned to do the same.)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your little granddaughter will love the bunny you are sending to her.
And yes, the heat impacts my energy levels, too. Unfortunately, the cold makes me not want to do anything, either! LOL.
That baby bird looks nothing like a red-winged blackbird, does it? It's cute, though, and well camouflaged!
Thank you for the wonderful words. This was so well put and I really appreciate your comment. There are just so many moments. Sigh.
DeleteI know what you mean about saying I love You. It wasn't really done as I grew up either, though as we grew older I did make sure I told Mum that. I always tell my daughter that I love her. I think, when I was growing up in England, it was all about getting on with things and putting on a stiff upper lip and not voicing your emotions so much.
I hope you have a good weekend.
Sending all hugs and good vibes. It's so hard. I'm a great believer in marking moments and anniversaries as I think it's a way of paying our respects to our loved ones. You have wonderful memories and, thinking back, it sounds like you went above and beyond in tough times.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's wonderful news from your daughter and SIL. I'm really happy for them and you.
Thanks so much. Sometimes the memories hurt, but I'm trying to just enjoy the memories and the good times we did have together, trying not to dwell on those last few months.
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