Just a Friday

I don't know if you remember, but a few posts ago I mentioned that the St. Elizabeth's Hospice in Ipswich (my hometown, England) was holding a Daisy Day in memorial of those who have died. I was hoping to purchase a daisy as it was being held on Mum's birthday (Sunday 4th) in the park local to where she grew up. My sister was going to the service being held. I was having trouble purchasing a daisy. I heard back from the charity and was able to give a general donation and the lady I emailed with said they would do a daisy in Mum's name. Not sure that will happen, but just giving the donation and them acknowledging it gives me comfort. Sister says she will be at the service for both me and her. Tomorrow, she says she is going to Mum's bench. 

This is a funny photo I took, but even though it isn't of humans, it reminded me of Mum. I grew up in a time when there weren't wet wipes or anything like that. When we got something on our faces or needed cleaning up, Mum would spit on a tissue and wipe our faces. This happen to anyone else? Lol. The look on the fawn's face just reminded me of that. 

Today I did go into the craft room for a bit. It was hot and humid and I didn't last up there long. Tomorrow is supposed to be more of the same but on Sunday it will cool down. 

Things That Make Me Smile Day 245

Hot and sweaty on my walk this morning. Wasn't that comfortable, but I did smile as I was fortunate to see two Great Horned Owls hunting near the lake as I walked down the path just after dawn and saw a beaver swimming in the lake. 

Christmas Eve

 I missed yesterday. I had been trying to post every day this month and have done really well up until now, but last night I was tired. By the time I remembered (for about the tenth time) that I was going to post I was already in bed and, well, to be honest, I just couldn't be bothered to get back out of bed, fire up the computer and write the post.  So no post yesterday, but back on the posting wagon today. 

I managed to buy everything else I needed yesterday so I didn't have to shop at all today! Writing a list really did help. I finished most of the wrapping yesterday with just a couple of stray items that needed wrapping today. I went for a really long walk this morning. It was quite lovely. Quiet for a while early this morning, but by the time I left the car park was full. There were lots of birds around today eating the berries of the trees. I stood on the path and just watched. Nobody at all came along the path. 

I messaged with my sister this afternoon. She, my BIL and her younger daughter S, S's husband and two children went to Felixstowe today and took some flowers and a card to Mum's bench. They took photos to share with me. It was lovely but made me cry. I can't wait to be able to go sit on the bench and just chat with Mum. 

Middle son came up later and I cooked some pizza and nibbles. I was really surprised when someone came in the door - it was daughter and her dogs!!! She has surprised me with a visit home for Christmas. Her husband stayed home but he messaged me to say he hoped I liked the surprise. He is such a good guy. I am so thankful that my daughter has found such a lovely partner to share her life with. I wasn't looking forward to Christmas at all but it will be lovely to spend the time with her. 

I wanted to share a photo of one of the lovely gifts daughter and her husband gave me last week. It was son-in-law's idea to have this made for me. It is a blanket/throw. I am not sure I can bring myself to use it maybe except to wrap myself up in it and try to remember how it felt to get a hug from Mum. The flowers just so say Mum - she loved flowers. 

I hope everyone has a lovely holiday. 

I have been feeling a bit sniffly for the past few days. My nose hasn't stopped running and I'm tired (but haven't been sleeping well either). I decided to take a Covid test just to be sure (have some at home) as I didn't want to chance passing on anything to anyone else. It came back negative so probably just a cold. 

An ornament I brought home from Jane's tree to put on mine. She is missed this Christmas. I always tried to get her genealogy gifts as well as a Barnes and Noble (bookshop) GC. She was such a great reader! She always emailed after Christmas to tell me what books she purchased with her GC. I missed making her a lighthouse calendar this year. 

Lastly, the kindness of strangers. A cookie a lady at husband's work made. It is so beautiful I am almost afraid to eat it. 

Okay, this definitely is lastly. I really want to say a big thank you to all my blogger friends for your comments and support this year. They have really touched my heart and helped me through this difficult year. I hope all of you have a lovely holiday season. 

Happy Solstice!

 I almost titled this Monday, Monday... and then remembered that it is, in fact, Tuesday lol. Anyway, Happy Solstice! I was at the local lake just before sunrise this morning and watching the moon fall on one side of the lake and the sun rise on the other. It was quite cold and for a while there was no one else around. It was just magical. I always like this day as it means the days will finally get longer again. My Mum always laughed and said that it would be quite a while before that happened! It seems such a long way until Spring. We haven't got to the really cold days yet. 

This is one of my phone photos of the moon over the lake, it was reflected in the water below. I think I got better photos with my camera but I will have to check them and I just haven't got around to it yet. 

After my walk I picked up MIL and we went to a couple of craft shops. I am pleased to say I bought nothing! MIL picked up a couple of items she needed for a project and then we had a look around at the Christmas items. 

There were quite a few ornaments, statues and things left. Nothing I really needed or honestly wanted, but it was fun to look!

I came home, did the wash from our trip - lots of dog hair lol - and then I actually did a little wrapping! I am behind.

Tomorrow will be five months since Mum died. I've been feeling a knot in my stomach for days. I still miss her so much. Especially at this time of year when everything is about family and a huge, important part of mine is gone. I missed making the calendar for her this year.  It's the first time I haven't done it in twenty plus years. I would always be panicking in case I didn't have it done in time and Mum would always smile or laugh as she knows how I leave things until the last minute. It was always there by the new year though. She would have it up on the wall in her living room and my sisters would always look at the new photos when they came to visit. Sigh. I know my middle sister is having a tough time. Mum would always go over to sister's for Christmas Day and to spend the night. In the morning my BIL would take her to my other sister's. Last year Mum spent both Christmas and Boxing Day with sister. I think we're all struggling with the holidays this year. 

Well, I'm off to bed before I start crying. I can hear the wind howling around outside, so yet another windy night. I hope the power stays on and there are no downed trees. 

 I can't believe another week is done. It's been another week of ups and downs. Yup, still struggling. I hate saying that but it's why I haven't been around much. 

Yesterday was a really bad day. I dreamt about Mum on Thursday night. It wasn't a bad dream. We were on holiday together. Usually when I go visit we go on a coach holiday for a week. If you've ever been on one of these coach holidays you'll probably understand what I'm saying. Usually one coach (feeder coach) takes you from your home town to a pick-up point where you join another coach for your destination. It's a really long way to travel and not usually by direct route. Anyway Mum usually complains/comments that the journey is too long. Last time when we went away there was someone on our feeder coach that was going to Great Yarmouth which is only about 1 1/2 hours from Ipswich (hometown) but using the feeder coach system ends up taking most of the day. In my dream that was where we were going. It was sunny out though. 

When I woke up I cried. I missed last year's getaway due to Covid and now... I don't know. Most of the day I had crying fits. I guess it was one of those days for Mum too as my sister got hold of me and asked if I was home to video chat with Mum. I managed not to cry when I was on with mum, but she's not doing too well. Before Covid she was self sufficient and loved to chat. She's lost a lot in the few weeks since her diagnosis. It's just hard to let go of how she was. I know she's still here. I'd love to be able to give her a hug or just wave at her through a window. 

I seem to worry all the time. About Mum. About my sister who is taking care of her. I can't imagine how hard it must be for her. She has her husband and, luckily good friends who ring and talk to her for support, but I can't be there to help and it makes me feel helpless. 

Mum still has an infection - which is probably hindering her recovery. Apparently her infection markers are worse than they were when she was in the hospital. She has started on another antibiotic. Please keep her in your thoughts/prayers. I know she can use them.

I'm taking a leaf out of Bless and Eileen blogs and posting Things to be Grateful For

- my sister. I am so grateful for her. I just can't put it into words. 

- my daughter. We usually chat and text frequently, but she's been checking in with me every day as she knows how tough this has been for me. 

Photo for today : - My daughter sent me this lovely photo of a smiling Shasta to cheer me up. I could really use her cuddles right now!

New Week - really icy!

 It's the start of another week. Another week of winter weather. We've had cold weather here in Michigan and another snow storm. The snow was quite deep this morning. Husband had dug out some paths to the birdfeeders - got to make sure the birds are fed lol - but the driveway wasn't done. I have a four wheel drive car but I was afraid I wouldn't get out and the street wasn't done so I stayed inside until husband came home. He took me to the park for a walk while he did the driveway and the raked the snow off the roof (yes, that is a thing - it helps cut down on the build-up of icicles). I was glad to get out but it took me a long while to walk such a short distance! 

Not a lot of update on Mum. I think there is just such a long road ahead. More than any of us thought.  I feel for my sister and wish I could give her a break. It sounds like she has a really good friend that she can talk to - though they can't visit at all due to the lockdown. 

I've been trying this week. I have been up in my craftroom. I am finding it a little hard to create when I'm in a funk, but I'm just trying to go with the flow. 

At the weekend husband and I managed to get out on Sunday. We went up to the lighthouse to see some ice. It was lovely. I don't like cold or snow, but seeing the ice it is just something fantastical. It's amazing what Mother Nature can do. 

Photo day - two phone photos from the weekend. I am still sorting through camera photos. 

Cooler

It's a little nicer today, not quite as hot or humid. I had my two big windows (one in dining room and one in kitchen) done last week and can finally open them! It's lovely to let the cooler air inside and freshen things up a bit. It sounds weird but one window in the dining room and one in the kitchen are quite large and were older windows made up of loads of little individual panes of glass. Neither of them opened. Now they do!

I chatted with Mum today. It seems funny going back to our usual Wednesday calls and Saturday Skypes. It was nice to talk with her too. I think, after going out a lot, it's taking her a little while to get back to 'normal' again. She's been enjoying reading some of the books I read while I was there and left behind. She's hoping the weather will be nice enough tomorrow - sadly it doesn't look that way - that she'll be able to go to Felixstowe with my sister.

I had my dentist appointment yesterday - the less said about that the better - and there will be more appointments in the future. Sigh. I dwelled on it yesterday, sulked a bit, ate a bunch of chocolate (British) and am now taking a deep breath and moving forward.

The rest of the week will be quiet here. I am finishing up my 100 Days of All About Me book - way late, but it will be done!

One of my holiday snaps. It was taken in Torquay, Devon. It was a lovely place to visit. I really enjoyed going here.

Sigh.

My Mum's last test results didn't come back so good. She went for a bone scan but apparently although they could tell there was something the cancer doctor is no closer to telling her whether the cancer is back or not. She has to go for another test at a different hospital in nearby county. She was hoping for news one way or another at her appointment today. I think it is the waiting that is the worst. I hate being so far away. I will be there soon as I fly over on the 28th for 6 weeks. She has decided that whatever the results she wants to go on the holiday we've booked. She doesn't want to be sick while I'm visiting. I told her I come to see her, but I will support whatever she decides. She's going to be 81 in September so I'm pretty sure she knows her own mind!

So more waiting. 

I spent most of the morning before talking to her walking, trying to keep busy and trying to ignore the lead lump in my stomach. It helped to sit by the lake and just watch and listen to the wonderful sounds of nature.

The heron was back at its perch. I thought I caught a glimpse of a muskrat but they are a little shy so no photo.

Lots of dragonflies around and too many of the pesky flies that bite me and make me swell up.

I haven't been too crafty lately. I'm packing up some of my craft room so daughter has a place to sleep next week when she visits. I have been knitting when the weather is cooler but I'm frustrated how my lacey patterns seem so loose. I knit tightly but when I do a lacey pattern it just looks too loose or maybe it's just me. Sigh.