Thursday, May 6, 2021

Finding Joy/Coping

 They've been okay. I Skyped with Mum yesterday and as much as I love talking to her and seeing her I'm still struggling with the changes. It's really hard to let go of what was. It just seems  was not that long ago that she was fine and strong and funny and chatty. Even back in January we were talking of me coming to visit and (maybe, hopefully) of the things we could do.  She still has the same smile and I still see the love there, but she's not the same. Just so different. And I think back to the conversations we had about how she thought things would be and this just isn't it. I can't imagine how it is for my sister. I think of how strong she's being and I don't know if I would be the same. I think there are some decisions on the horizon, but I don't think any of us wants to make them. 

I went out for another walk yesterday afternoon after the Skype call. I love being outside. Just being in the sunshine and looking at all the renewal and growth certainly helped the worry and anxiety. For a time I could just forget. I came across some deer, males, with lovely new fuzzy antlers growing. They were grazing in the woods on freshly grown grass. One kept alternating between eating and looking up at me, raising his head and sniffing. I must admit to saying a few reassuring words. Afterall there was just me, the deer and the shaded woods.  He watched me for a while and I watched him and then we went our separate ways. 


  1. That would be an enchanting thing to see while out walking. It must be very difficult for you being away from your mum just lately. It's been an appalling year hasn't it.

  2. How wonderful to have a conversation in the woods with a deer - the perfect moment.
    Sorry to hear how quickly your Mum has gone downhill. I hope you will be able to get over here soon.

  3. What a lovely photo of the deer! Seeing a parent (or any loved one, for that matter) decline in health is really difficult. I always feel that I lost my mother long before she actually passed away. I hope you and your siblings are able to make the difficult decisions when the time comes. (((HUGS)))

  4. Life can be very cruel as old age approaches, I feel. You are preparing for decision making and, hopefully, that will lighten the load when the time arrives.
    Sending love

  5. I remember those her while you have her...I miss my visits with my mom. She had a stroke and she too changed, it was hard, but I am blessed we had her another 5 years.


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