They've been okay. I Skyped with Mum yesterday and as much as I love talking to her and seeing her I'm still struggling with the changes. It's really hard to let go of what was. It
just seems was not that long ago that she was fine and strong and funny and chatty. Even back in January we were talking of me coming to visit and (maybe, hopefully) of the things we could do. She still has the same smile and I still see the love there, but she's not the same. Just so different. And I think back to the conversations we had about how she thought things would be and this just isn't it. I can't imagine how it is for my sister. I think of how strong she's being and I don't know if I would be the same. I think there are some decisions on the horizon, but I don't think any of us wants to make them.
I went out for another walk yesterday afternoon after the Skype call. I love being outside. Just being in the sunshine and looking at all the renewal and growth certainly helped the worry and anxiety. For a time I could just forget. I came across some deer, males, with lovely new fuzzy antlers growing. They were grazing in the woods on freshly grown grass. One kept alternating between eating and looking up at me, raising his head and sniffing. I must admit to saying a few reassuring words. Afterall there was just me, the deer and the shaded woods. He watched me for a while and I watched him and then we went our separate ways.